Self Control part two (Weigh-in Day)

Well, I watched a Jenna Marbles video called “Junk Food Confessions” and in between my giggling and “Oh my God, I totally do that!” I started thinking about what my inner fat girl forces me to do. Haha. For your entertainment I am going to post that video right here. Just for you, because I am so nice. Yeah.

I am definitely like that. We talked (ok, I talked…you all read) about my lack of self control the other day. And when my self control decides to wither away and die… I make all kinds of poor decisions. It’s not just “yeah, I guess I’ll eat my fifth cookie” it is wayyy more in depth than that.

No. My lack of self control makes me do some really ridiculous things.

At Subway… do I really need bacon on my Philly Cheesesteak Sandwhich? Nope… can’t really taste it… but I know it’s there. Will my stomach actually be able to hold that extra burger patty and large fries? Nope, but let’s upgrade anyways. Yup, potatoes make every meal better…. you know what makes potatoes better? Butter. Lots and lots of butter. Do my brownies really need chocolate chips in the batter? Nope. Add all the chocolate!

I get into this train of thought that… hey my self control already failed me, let’s just kill it and bury it and forget. Yeah.

I’m having some baked chicken for dinner… cool, a good decision for dinner. But you know what? That box of Velveeta Mac and Cheese looks absolutely divine. You know what would make that mac and cheese even better? Crumbled bacon (for texture…that’s the ONLY reason why…yeah right)…while we’re at it, let’s add more shredded cheese on top. Because my mac and cheese clearly isn’t cheesy enough.

Here is my favorite one. “I’m sooo full. My stomach is bursting. But it’s sooo good, I can’t stop!” I do that a lot with biscuits and gravy… also with pancakes. Well… also with cake.

I’m sighing heavily right now, just in case you are curious. I know it’s ridiculous, but I am powerless to stop it.

I’m not being dramatic. I am seriously powerless to stop it. It’s almost as though my mind is screaming at me to stop, but suddenly my brain isn’t connected to the rest of my body. My hands continue to shovel food in my mouth, my hands still drop half a pound of shredded cheese into my chili.

Yeah. That is why I have such a hard time losing weight. Haha.

I’m in the process of getting my self control under wraps. Way easier said than done. I’ve tried testing myself with small things. Kind of forcing myself to stop. I’ve had to mutter “Be good. Don’t over do it. You don’t need that much. You don’t need this again.” under my breath. It’s a hard thing to fix.

But I know that if I don’t fix it, I’m not doing myself any favors. Even if one day I find myself stepping on the scale and it says 145… I can easily visualize myself gaining weight back. Even if it isn’t a lot. Or I will spend the rest of my life jumping from 145 to 165 and back again.

It’s not that far off of a thought. I’ve been doing that for the last year or so. I’ve been bouncing between 185 and 200 constantly. And I blame my self control. If I had self control I would be consistently losing weight. I would be exercising regularly. I would be eating right consistently. Not yo-yoing. Fact of my life…

I honestly considered taking a pause from my weight loss path to focus on self control, but I’m worried if I stop that I won’t continue. The excuses will rear their ugly heads. Not only that but I need to develop my self control while I’m losing weight. (Well, attempting). Otherwise I’m not really teaching myself anything.

So…it’s going to be an interesting path. We’ll see what happens. Finger’s crossed I can get through this.

Really quick, I’ve got to do my weigh in day.

Last Weigh-In: 183.7
This Weigh-In: 183.5
Total Lost: .2 lbs

Am I going to count that? Probably not. But hey, at least it’s not a gain.

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My weight loss “fatal flaw”

Why is losing weight so hard?

Don’t worry this isn’t going to be a whole post of nothing but complaining.

It is a question everyone needs to ask themselves. There has to be a reason why we are having problems losing weight. I am guilty with asking that “why aren’t I losing weight?” question.

Sure, there are some obvious reasons… but unless you actually question yourself you aren’t going to find the root of the problem. If you don’t find the baseline, you aren’t ever going to fix it… and you are stuck in that whirlwind of anti-losing weight problem for years and years and years to come.

So I sat there for a minute and listed out the reasons I have problem losing weight. I was brutally honest with myself, I didn’t like the answers I was giving myself… but hey being honest to yourself is the hardest thing ever. I’m not going to bore you with my entire list… just the most important one.

I have practically zero self control.

My biggest problem is the whole self control. I have zero self control. If I see something I want, then I will rationalize why I should have it… consciously I know that isn’t a good idea… but I almost guilt myself into not exercising or eating crappy food.

I’ve realized it isn’t losing weight that is hard… I make it hard.

Let’s face it, everyone. The concept of losing weight is easy. Extremely easy. Eat less..move more… BAM weight loss. We all have personality flaws that make it hard to lose weight. I honestly think that is why so many people have an easy time shedding the pounds. They gained weight because they eat like crap, make the decision to lose weight…. and they don’t have anything holding them back. They just lose weight. Or they have some “fatal flaws” that are easy to fix… They graze? Bring healthy stuff to graze on… not brownies. BAM weight loss.

Unfortunately there is a good percentage of us out there who have those fatal flaws that are hard as hell to try and change. My self control (or lack of) is my biggest problem. I have destroyed my (here comes the cringe) “diet” simply because of self control… once that self control goes out the window it opens up the door for 90% of my other problems… the “whatever” and the “excuses.”

I know that if I don’t get my self control under wraps, I am not going to be successful down the road. I can see myself being one of those people who lose a ton of weight, and then I gain it all back. Mainly because of that self control. Sure I’m lazy, I guilt myself into poor decisions, I give up… all that kind of stuff… but it all balances back to self control.

So I need to focus on getting my self control under wrap. I don’t want to “hide” from temptation… I’ll never learn to say “no” if I am never around the things that make me say “yes.” I just need to get to a point where I am able to stick to the “no” aspect of losing weight. Sure, I can do it. I have 80 pounds that have gone “bye-bye” I can say no. I just can’t say no for long.

So, that’s what I need to fix. That is one of the main things that are making it damn near impossible for me to lose weight. I am sabotaging myself with this self control crap. I need to get that under wraps.

What is your “fatal flaw?”

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Dr. Office Scales

Hello faithful followers. Haha.

I have been absent for a while. I have been super busy lately… that isn’t the reason why I haven’t been posting. That is an entirely different reason.

I can say that I nearly freaked out last Thursday. Seriously freaked out.

I had a doctor’s appointment (one of what felt like a million) and of course I got to step on a scale. I’m standing all pretty like usual. Expecting to see my bad-ass number from Wednesday. I turn around on the scale and you know what I see?

196

My instant first thought was “Oh HELL NO” Lol. Trust me, I freaked out just a tad. It wasn’t even one of those old school weighted ones… nope all electronic. My heart literally dropped to my stomach. There is no way that I was way up to 196. I managed to maintain calm throughout the doctor visit.

What had me so heart broken, is that on Wednesday I finally broke through. I stepped on the scale on Wednesday and saw the pretty little blinking 183.7

183.7

Yes… can you see my panic. I was instantly thinking that there was something around with my scale at home. How many times had I stepped on the scale and it was telling me the wrong weight? Have I not lost as much as I thought I had? Not good.

So I went home and slapped 20 pounds worth of weights on my scale. The scale read out exactly 20 pounds, so I knew it as zeroed out. I stepped on my scale… 183.7. Honestly I was confused.

I weighed myself at work that same day… 186 while wearing shoes and all my clothes. Same as at the grocery store.

I think this is kind of a situation that says even doctor’s office’s mess up. I know that it is possible, but in my head it isn’t supposed to happen. I am chalking it up as the scale there. There is no way that three separate scales read out the same weights… but that one read a good 13 pounds heavier.

So I’m back to being thrilled about hitting that 183.7, don’t get me wrong, it’s really close to 184. But I’m still happy. I lost a pound. A full pound. Feels pretty awesome. Especially since I have been having such a hard time losing weight lately. So I’m in a good mood.

Other than that, it’s been fairly uneventful in the weight loss department.

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Being Healthy?

I talk a lot of being healthy, and getting healthy. It’s one of the top reasons why I am (attempting) losing weight. But there is way more than that. Sure, I know I’ll be healthier when I am at a good weight… less chance for all that scary stuff.

I also want to make sure that I am healthy in other aspects of my life. So I am going to start visiting a doctor more regularly. Ok, ok, well… how about just regularly in general.

I typically avoid the doctor. I don’t even have a “regular physician.” There haven’t been many times that I have actually went and visited one. If I’m sick I just kind of deal with it… otherwise I check myself into the ER if there is something I am really concerned about. Like the time I was convinced I was having a heart attack. Seriously, I thought I was dying… doesn’t help I looked up my “symptoms” online, which of course several other “symptoms” started popping up. Checked myself in, got all hooked up in 2.5 seconds… blood tests, the whole nine yards.

I found out that I had just gotten heartburn for the first time ever, not knowing why my chest “hurt” I panicked and gave myself a full blown anxiety attack. Yeah… there are reasons I don’t go to the doctor. I don’t like those moments where I think there is something wrong, the doctor kind of gives me this indulgent look. I know he was laughing his ass off in the backroom after I left. Yeah.

It mainly why I try to take care of myself. But I have kind of kicked my own butt into realizing that I don’t know everything and WebMD isn’t a big help for someone who sees symptoms in everything.

At this point I am trying to get a ton of doctor’s appointments settled and under my belt. The whole nine yards. It’s kind of strange, I have all these doctors for Landon, but not for myself…so it’s kind of daunting to think of all the stuff I should be getting. So I’ve already got my lady doctor appointment all sorted out, getting my dentist sorted, and I’m looking to get a regular doctor for physicals and all that jazz.

I’m not getting all these appointments because I’m thinking something is wrong, but rather to make sure that I am doing ok in the “me being healthy” scheme of things. It just kind of feels important.

It’s been years since I have visited a regular doctor. Usually I just kind of drop in for an appointment (like when I visited the dietitian eons ago) and never go back. But I would actually like to start going at least annually to make sure everything is kosher.

So I’ve been a little phone crazy lately just to try and get all these appointments. And I’m actually quite proud of myself for taking the steps to get into the doctors. So we’ll see how it all goes…and after the initial appointments, I’ll have to make a point to continue going. Haha. Yeah.

How important are doctor’s visits to you?

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Lasagna Roll Ups

I am super super proud of what I made for dinner last night. I seriously felt like I was some kind of Food Network Superstar. It was pretty epic, delicious, and filling. The best part, for being pasta, it was pretty low in calories.

Lasagna Roll Ups

It was soooo good that I just had to share it. This recipe only makes enough for one person, it was a dinner I brought to work with me.

Ingredients

3 sheets Barilla Lasagna (I like the “rolled flat like homemade” kind)
1.5 cups raw spinach, coarsely chopped
1/4 cup fat free ricotta cheese
1/4 cup chopped red onion
3 medium sized mushrooms
1/2 clove garlic
1/2 oz shredded mozzarella cheese
1.5 oz Fat free cottage cheese, small curd
1/4 cup spaghetti sauce
Salt, pepper, oregano to taste

Step One:

Preheat your oven to about 350. In a pan saute your garlic, onion, and mushrooms with your seasonings.

Step Two:

Once your first batch is nice and yummy looking, add your spinach. It doesn’t take long for it to wilt down, just keep stirring it around. It should look something like so:

Step Three:

Once your veggies are done, transfer them into a different bowl. Add your ricotta cheese, and stir until well mixed. Set aside.

Step Four:

Boil some water and add your three sheets of lasagna noodles. I actually added four just in case I ended up ripping one while I was wrapping them. Just boil long enough until the noodles are wiggly (yes, my food network worthy jargon). About 5 minutes.

Step Five:

When your noodles are done pull them out of the water and set them on some paper towel. They should be a little bit tacky. Almost like nail polish that hasn’t completely dried yet. Lay them out on a cutting board and put a part of your cottage cheese at the end.

Step Six:

On top of the cottage cheese, add some of your mushroom/spinach/cheese mixture. Roll them up, and push back any of the filling that squishes out. Don’t pull too hard or they’ll rip. Then place them in any kind of baking pan. Like so:

Step Seven:
Top it off with your spaghetti sauce, mozzarella cheese, and sprinkle with a little bit of oregano. Pop it in the oven until the cheese is melted and delicious. Then you’re done.

Voila

Doesn’t it look yummy? (For sake of my self esteem, a yes would be appreciated. haha). I was really really hesitant to have pasta as something worth bringing to work. I’m usually not a “heat up some noodles” kind of gal, but I was willing to take a shot. And it was so good. Definitely filling and it tasted so good. Amazing actually. I shocked myself.

The best part, it all of it only came out to 400 calories. Nearly on the dot. If you want to get technical it was 399, haha. Of course that all depends on what kinds of brands you choose to use. I could have probably gone under 400 just by using different sauce and cheese… but 400 is perfect for where I wanted to end up. 500 is usually what I “allow” myself for dinner so I was able to get away with some sides. Haha. This would have gone over incredibly well with a spinach/strawberry salad. But I went with some other stuff. Haha.

There is actually quite a lot of food. It’s almost like taking a HUGE slice of regular lasagna. But there is far less noodles and meat. Obviously. But I was really happy with it. I know I’ve said it before but it was soooo good. Definitely something I am going to try.

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Everyone has an opinion.

Happy Friday everyone!

Well, after my “eh, ok” weigh in yesterday…I spend a good amount of time trying to think of what I am doing differently now than I was earlier. At one point it was fairly easy for me to drop 10 pounds in a month, just by changing how I was eating (and before anyone flips out, that was back in the 250+ days, where losing 2.5 pounds a week was fine). But now I struggle with losing even a pound a week. Granted there have been some pretty crappy weeks in there, but there have been weeks where I have eaten like a superhero and exercised my butt off and barely scraped by with a pound.

I think the common sense answer is that it is easier to lose weight when you have more of it to lose.

Pretty common sense. Sure, I still have some weight to lose but it is considerably less than it was. I suppose that is the bittersweet fact of losing 80 pounds.

When I first started losing weight the first 30 pounds practically fell off. I did nothing more than 200 less calories a day and start walking around the block. Now-a-days it feels like I have to be incredibly stringent with eating 1400 calories a day, and I have to work out hardcore…and that is just to hopefully lose a pound a week.

Of course there are a whole myriad of reasons…from a whole different group of people. Doctors, Nutritionists, bloggers, and your normal joe-shmo with an opinion. Honestly, the answers aren’t that helpful.

Everyone has an opinion on weight loss. Some people will swear until they are blue in the face that the ONLY way to lose weight is with a weight loss program such as Jenny Craig or Weight Watchers. Other will swear that eating healthy will do the trick. Even more out there swear by a paleo diet, or no carb/low fat, or vegetarianism, or cheat days…some people swear by eating the bare minimum calories one week and then jacking up 500 calories daily the next.

Everyone has their own “weight loss magic secret.” You all know mine. I try to focus on the whole calorie deficient. If I have a deficient of 3500 calories a week, I should have lost a pound. Counting calories and shooting for a deficient are my go-to “weight loss magic secret”

Does that mean that any one option is better than the other? Speaking without bias… there are no right/wrong options. I know that what works for me isn’t going to work for everyone, and vice versa. I just preach talk about what works best for me.

So of course, that means that there aren’t any “fix it options” out there for each person. If anyone has an opinion of what is best for weight loss, people are going to have an opinion on how to fix what is going on.

So, in order to get through this whole (can I call it a plateau?) stuck phase, I have to find what works for me. Not what works for Jane, Janice, and Jose. And that’s the frustrating part.

Tweaking my program…and figuring out what is the best option for me.

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Healthy Living Summit

I have wanted to go to a bloggers convention for a while now. My top picks were either the Healthy Living Summit or Fitbloggin.

Honestly, I’m not even too sure if there are any other ones…you can just blame my whole “I get fixated on a certain thing and run with it” personality. The whole idea of going to a blogging convention is pretty awesome, at least in my humble opinion. But that is all based off of the numerous recap posts I have read.

It’s a chance to meet other bloggers (a big chance that I might act like some crazed groupie…I kid) but it’s also a chance to learn things about blogging that I never considered. And let’s face it, I’m not some Grade A blogger…

But this year I would love to attend the Healthy Living Summit.

This year it is in the Twin Cities. I am super excited for that. Theoretically I could just hope Lake Michigan and drive 2 hours… but I’m not too fond of riding in a boat, no matter how cool the SS Badger is. Haha.

The neatest thing for me is that I submitted a proposal to possibly be a speaker at the summit. That is what I am really excited about. I submitted my sorry excuse for a proposal nearly a month ago and have been waiting not-so-patiently to see if I have been chosen. Me? Being excited to possibly give a speech? Nawwwww.

The “chosen ones” will hear from the lovely group who do HLS within the next couple of days. Of course, I’m just assuming since the cut off date is March 15… but hey. Works for me.

So I’ve got all my fingers crossed in hopes that I get to talk. And if by going off this blog at all, you all know how much I love to talk. But we’ll see. Honestly, even if I don’t get chosen, I would still love to go. I’m thinking it will be fantastic.

So, I have been stalking my email for any signs of new emails just in case. We’ll see…and wish my luck!

But today is always my weigh in day… drum roll please.

Last Weigh-in: 185.4 lbs
This Weigh-in: 184.8 lbs
Total Lost: 0.6 lbs

Not that much, sure…but I’m on the right path. I’m out of 185 range. Yay. Finally. Thankfully.

It just goes to show how long I have been around or above that 184 marker. Oh, since my birthday. Wayyyy back in the beginning of October.

You all know I had that period where I gained some weight…on top of my scale being a massive jerk. So yeah. I’m excited to be under that 185 again. Sure, sure, it’s only .2 of a pound under (not really enough to count…) but just seeing the number is good enough for me.

[insert heavy sigh here]

So here’s to continuing this downward trend. Can it be a trend if it’s less than a pound collectively? Who knows. But I can’t wait to get out of this 180 range. I’ve been seeing those numbers way too long, I keep telling myself it’s better than when I was seeing into the 190s again. But we’ll see.

So, hopefully my numbers will be better next week, and hopefully I’ll see some of you at HLS#13 as a speaker!

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Support!

Ahhh, support. The greatest thing in the world.

I’m not talking about a well fitting bra… but since I brought it up, there are very few life pleasures that exceed taking off your bra after wearing it all day. It’s like a chorus of “I’m free, free falling” is being sung from my chest area. *sigh* I’m sure I’m not the only one.

It doesn’t fail to amaze me the kind of support that is out there. I honestly think that support is a requirement with losing weight. It’s amazing because it’s like that little kick in the butt we all need once in awhile. That push that tells us we can keep going, that people believe in us. It’s enough to make anyone feel amazing.

Support is one of those things that is obviously really important. I love it when people show their support, not just for me, but when they show support for people in general. It’s just like this stand. It’s easy to forget why we are trying to lose weight and get healthy. It’s important to know that there are people out there who believe in you, especially when your own motivation and self-support are starting to fail you.



That is one of the reasons why I love the weight loss community. There is no short supply for people out there willing to give advice and support. People are always really understanding and motivational. It’s like a huge bubble of feel good. Haha.

I’m a firm believer that we all need support. I wouldn’t have lost a damn thing without the support of my friends and family. I don’t think it’s an attention thing. Sure, we’re getting attention for what we are accomplishing, but I don’t think that it’s a situation that we’re vying for attention. We’re vying for people to tell us to keep going and keep our chins up when situations get rough.

I’m a motivation kind of gal. If I stop motivating myself…I stop losing weight. Simple as that. So when my motivation fails me (which happens quite often) it’s always the support from friends, family, and even people I have never met… that pulls me back on board.

So a big thank you to all the people who have offered me support and helped push me forward!

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Movie Morning

Josh and I spent a good portion of this morning watching the Resident Evil movies. We’ve gotten through three of them… so it’s been SEVERAL hours. Needless to say, we’re kind of lame.

Yesterday I had mentioned that even though the number on the scale hasn’t gone down in a long friggen time, I have been fitting in smaller clothing. Which is definitely nice, but I have no idea why. So I went ahead and measured myself.

In comparison to the last time I measured myself I have dropped about 6 inches. Granted, that is everywhere. Haha. But my waist dropped 2 inches in itself. I love it, I actually have a 32 inch waist. Haha.

For your info… these are the area’s that I always measure.

And yes, I do measure my love handles…I kind of have to. It’s part of the reason why it shocks me so much that I have a 32 inch waist. Mainly because it doesn’t look like it. Thanks to love handles that measure in at about 41. Yeah. I have a definite spare tire going on. I mean, my love handles are a good 9 inches bigger than my waist, and about 3 inches bigger than my hips.

I mean, if you really think about it… a 32 inch waist is REALLY tiny. Well…at least it is for the girl who once had a 48 inch waist. So it’s pretty epic. It’s kind of crazy to think about. I have lost about 16 inches off my waist.

But of course, you can’t really tell my looking at me. Nope. Not with that massive spare tire.

Here are my measurements as of right now.

Chest: 38″
Waist: 32″
Love handles: 41″
Hips: 38″

I would actually have a pretty nice figure if it wasn’t for my love handles.

But I have gone down a few inches which would explain why shirts and stuff are fitting me differently. I lost 2 inches on my waist, 3 inches on my chest, and another inch on my love handles.

So at this point I’m just going to chalk this up as a mystery. While I do obsess with the number on the scale (a lot) I’m glad that my clothes are fitting differently. I’m secretly (well, no so secret anymore) hoping that I’m not going down on the scale because I’m actually gaining some muscle mass, an we all know muscle is more dense than fat… and previously I had practically zero.

One can hope right?

 

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Well, hey there.

My last post… five days ago. Well, there was no “apparently I’m sick.” Nope, no apparently about it. I was flipping sick.

Do you guys know how hard it is to go to work and pretend that you are feeling ok so you don’t freak anyone out? Pretty hard. Haha. Good news though, I wasn’t contagious…so that’s a bonus. At least I don’t have to worry about feeling guilty about making anyone ill…haha.

It was one of those sicks where I spent most of my time at home chugging “severe cough and cold” syrup (don’t worry, in the proper amounts, haha)… might I add that no matter how many times you take that stuff it still tastes like rancid battery acid? Ew. Mary Poppins lied… a spoonful of sugar doesn’t help, just causes a massive coughing fit. Haha.

I may have also spent a good time at home with bits of toilet paper shoved in my nose. Yeah, I was not a pretty picture the last several days.

But I feel all better now. Sure, I’m still a little stuffy and I’m constantly hacking away. But I feel infinitely better.

Although I have been watching unhealthy amounts of Hillywood Show parodies. Haha. To the point where I have been constantly singing “I’m gonna marry Edward…ma-ma-ma-marry Edward.” Poor Josh is sooooo sick of it.

If you haven’t seen any of their videos I command highly recommend you watch them.

Just for you. Enjoy.

So… I’m back with my regularly scheduled posting. Well, as regularly as I have ever been (a.k.a. slightly sporadic). As far as catching you all up, nothing on the weight loss front… I haven’t been exercising. Exercising with a runny/stuffy nose, headaches, and body aches…not fun. Not fun at all. So you’ll just have to excuse me. Haha.

And I, surprisingly, haven’t eating too badly. I usually take being sick to an extreme. Either I eat like I am a starving animal, or I hardly eat anything. But I haven’t done too bad. So… nah nah to my sickness.

But I’m all prepared to be awesome. I have all my meals plotted out. I have healthy snacks. And more stuff for some smoothies. I was also getting dangerously low on the oatmeal front. But I’m good.

Other than that…it’s been fairly bland.

Although my body irritates/confuses me. I have been hoovering around 185 for a l-o-n-g time now. But somehow I’m getting smaller, without losing any weight. For example, I have two shirts…both are mediums. What, yeah medium? They are fitted…not TIGHT. Which is strange. Typically medium shirts are skin tight on me.

Also, my bra size has changed. Well, not the cup part (thankfully as I’ve already lost enough of the girls) but I was wearing 38C and those had the bra bulge and red indents/bruises around my ribs. I went and got some new bras…and they are 36C and fit just fine. I have no idea how that is happening…but I’ll take it. Even if I don’t drop numbers on the scale, I will be more than happy to drop numbers in the size category. So I’m thinking I am going to have to do some serious measuring tomorrow and see what’s going on with that. It’ll be interesting.

Part of me is thinking it’s all the exercising. Perhaps I am losing fat but gaining muscle??? Too optimistic? Perhaps. But we’ll see.

Onward to measure!

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